Where do I begin?
I got a huge promotion a couple of months ago. I wasn’t able to say anything about it for weird circumstantial/confidential reasons, but the time has come to make my transition and I’ve been training all week.
I’ve felt more confident in myself than ever before in my life. For the first time, I know I am completely qualified and ready for whatever comes my way. Of course self-doubt still worms its way into my head, worrying about things like how others will perceive me, will anyone be receptive to my direction/delegation? I have to tell myself that I’ve already been doing things like this, which is why I got the position. My intentions at work are always good, and I care about each and every person there. I hope this will always come across in my actions and words.
A few weeks ago, I got really sick. I don’t think I’ve ever been that ill before. I had to go to the emergency room for severe dehydration. I’m still feeling the repercussions of it, but I’m appreciating how good it feels to be well again.
I’m still living at home, and while it doesn’t anger me like it used to, I feel such a pull to move out. Until now, I haven’t had the means. Since graduating college, I’ve been making $10-$11 an hour, and that hasn’t been enough to support a move. Paying my loan, my car, my phone, and the occasional credit card charge sucks up most of my check. But the raise I just got will allow me to go. I feel like I’m on eggshells, though. My parents don’t want me to leave. I feel like I will get flack from my sister who has always wanted to live with me. But my heart lies with Jon, who I would be moving in with. I feel sick when he’s gone. He’s my best friend and the only one who would do absolutely anything for me. While I was vomiting blood, he knelt down with me and rubbed my back. While I was hyperventilating, he convinced me to breathe. At 3AM when I said I needed to go to the hospital, he drove me. After nearly 4 years together, I am absolutely sure it’s the step I want to take. My family is old fashioned and therefore less certain. But with the money I will be making, they can’t really call the shots anymore. It’s a weird feeling.
Sometimes I miss school so much it hurts. I wish I had the ability to go back and get a master’s degree. Maybe I will one day, but the farther I get from completing my bachelor’s, the more impossible it seems. I could have been so much more involved. But I’m really happy with where a year and a half has gotten me, even though it’s not remotely close to the route I expected to take. My plan after graduation was to take 3 weeks off and be settled into a communications-related job after a month (ha!). The wake-up call was harsh, but that’s why everyone always tells you that finding a job in the real world takes work. I didn’t want to believe it, but I should have. Cheers to the people who get an amazing job right out of school, but it was hell for me to get here.
On a final note, Fleetwood Mac is amazing and anyone who hasn’t fully listened to Rumours needs to. I learned how to play this on piano last night and I’m itching to make a cover. It won’t happen for another year though because I’m so lazy and rarely get the alone time to record.