I got the job! I’m so happy! It seems so weird that I’m about to be joining the usual grind of working adults– 8-5 M-F. But I’m excited for what this will bring.
That being said, I feel myself disinterested and pulling away from this blog. I don’t know how many times I’ve sat down to write something, written a partial post, or even an entire post and deleted it because I don’t see the point. My life isn’t very interesting to anyone other than me. In my heart and head, I know the struggles I’m going through and the thoughts I have. I don’t need to record them here online. It doesn’t give me the release that it used to. I no longer need to hash things out in writing to know the truth of what I feel. My mind is capable of sorting through everything, compartmentalizing, addressing, figuring out a solution, and moving on. That’s what writing here used to do for me. But when I write now, it feels redundant, boring, and fake. I’ve already gone through the events and I get lazy with reiteration. Everything here is only scratching the surface; glazing over the little shards of glass and pieces of sand once I’ve already smoothed them out. It’s like a game of telephone. My feelings and worries get lost in a translation that I don’t even need.
I don’t think I will find myself posting here very often anymore. If I have something important to say or something powerful I feel, I write it down in a notebook. Or turn it into a poem. KatoMcKracken has felt more and more like an unwanted obligation, and I truly don’t see any gain from it. My creativity here feels squashed. The parameters I set from the get-go are making it hard for me to fit into this box. I might catch myself posting a string of words here and there, but I’m tired of these meaningless entries.
Thank you to all of those that have followed me from the start and given me wonderful advice and endless encouragement. If you wish to continue reading my words, www.poetsparadise.wordpress.com should do the trick. It’s poetry, but I don’t ever find myself getting too poem-y, if that makes sense. Mostly, this blog has been an emotional outlet for me. And a lot of times, it has helped immensely. I’ve gone through a lot of changes, insecurities, and successes with this blog by my side. In fact, a week or so ago marked my 5th year of maintaining it. But, for now, I no longer need this form of communication with myself.
Goodbye, goodbye, and thank you.
P.S. Just because I stop posting doesn’t mean I will stop checking up on you, Strange Tripster, Adantur, and Multiconstruct! I am so lucky to know that, for this little inch of my life, you cared.