It all hangs on tomorrow. I had an interview with a marketing agency on Monday and they said I’d know by Friday if I am hired. I’m so conflicted with what I want. Part of me has had so much fun being broke with nothing to do. I feel like recent college grads are supposed to. When else in my life am I ever going to be able to drive to another city on a weekday on a whim? Or spend all day at the zoo without crowds? Or not worry about bills? Starting this job means more hours and more pay than I have ever had. It’s a full-time, real-deal job. In a few months, I will be able to move out on my own. Then everything starts. Life. Adulthood. The thought is strange, yet all I’ve wanted these past few years is to make my own way. I know this job will get me there, but I don’t want to let go of being dependent just yet. Everything is so simple right now.
I’ve spent most of my time off hanging out with friends and family, babysitting, rearranging my room (because I’m going nuts in here), and applying for jobs. There was also a horrible 2.5 week period where I was recovering from wisdom-tooth-removal-turned-emergency-jaw-surgery. I was practically useless– laying in bed, hardly able to eat, and on massive amounts of painkillers. But that’s pretty much done with now.
That’s really all I have to share. I feel like right now could either be the calm before the storm or the storm itself. I’m so tired of living at home and making no money. Finding a job has taken a lot of time and I know me living at home is difficult on my parents who would like to stop paying my car insurance and leave this house. But I also know my decision to get an apartment with my boyfriend will not please them, protective and conservative as they are. I also wonder if maybe my sister thinks I am going to move in with her. And I don’t want a fight on that front either. There’s stress on both ends no matter how you slice it. Now that the working world is in front of me, I realize the storm is probably never going to end. But again, it all hangs on tomorrow. If I don’t get the job, it’s more searching and more childlike freedom. If I do, well, I’ve already explained it. I have a good feeling about the marketing position. But maybe it’s a false comfort because I’ve never had trouble landing a job in the past. I’ve never interviewed for a job and not been hired. So I’ve been trying to prepare myself for the likely fact that I won’t be chosen while still remaining hopeful. We’ll see.
P.S. To lighten the mood, here’s some photos of what I’ve been up to. I want to preserve right here in this little page of Internet space how my life has felt. Pulling pictures from my Instagram seems the easiest way to do this.