I never write for myself anymore. As a result, my writing has suffered. All of my school writing assignments sound so mechanical. If I try to make it softer, it sounds forced. I’ve been too apathetic to do much about it. I don’t even know the last time I wrote a poem. Or simply had an idea for one.
All in all, I’ve been well. Not that it matters to anybody stumbling across this. Those who care already know.
I’m sorry I’m so bad at replying. I’m sorry I never call. I would hate me if I were my friend. I’m going to call you right now.
I feel a lot happier. I was on the verge of an unnecessarily moody post.
I have 8 zillion projects going on right now. My classes all require a bunch of big stuff every week, plus my job, plus my personal website I’m trying to build, plus a new website I’m contributing to equals too much stuff for me to handle all the time. But I get through it because
-It’s my last semester, so I have to.
-I love my job. (Side note– I don’t think I mentioned it here, but I quit my old job. I had been there 2.5 years and hated it. I got hired as Music Director for my school’s radio station and it’s the best job I’ve ever had.)
-Bob’s Burgers and 30 Rock exist.
-Coffee, vitamin B-12, and yummy food exist and are accessible.
-I have a boyfriend who is far better to me than I deserve.
-I have made new friends who appreciate my company as much as I appreciate theirs.
-As stressful as my projects can be, they are stretching me as a person and it’s a good feeling.
-I am getting into a workout routine that helps my stress and energy levels.
-I am almost finished with school and have realistic, attainable, and exciting career opportunities.
I realize that none of this is important outside of the realm of, well, me. But I continually have to remind myself of these things. All too often, I fall into the trap of faux-worry or faux-sadness. Sometimes the memory of a darker time or an emotional song can convince me I’m still the angry person I used to be. But I know that isn’t so.
Thanks for reading.
(This is the latest project from my photography class. It’s been pretty demanding. This is just one way I feel the difficult work paying off. I’m becoming increasingly pleased with the pieces I produce.)