This past week, I’ve had several ideas for posts. I have a lot to share. But now’s not the time for any of them. I was angry and upset a lot this week. I have a professor who uses class time to tell us who we should vote for and what we should believe. I grit my teeth and try to not get up and leave. I want to report him. I just don’t know where or how. I want him to feel ashamed of himself as an educator, using our time and our money to pump still-impressionable minds with his political bullshit. Anyway, I was going to write a whole post about it. But it’s 3:10 a.m. and my room is far too peaceful to rant and rave right now.
I also wanted to post about my sister’s best friend who hasn’t spoken to her in probably a year, for no reason. It bothers me because it upsets my sister. She used to cry about it. Now she just kind of shrugs and says, “I guess we’re not friends anymore,” which is almost sadder than her tears. I want Kandice to be ashamed of herself, too. But again, right now is not the time.
Work has been bringing me down lately. A few of the managers treat me like shit, and I hate it. We took an anonymous Employee Opinion Survey a few days ago, and I was brutal. I don’t really care if they know anymore. I plan on quitting in a few months. Again, I wanted to publish a post about how mad work has made me, but I won’t right now.

Instead I want to share some positive feelings. To go along with the two nasty managers, there are a few who are really stellar. They don’t favor me in particular or drown me in praise or anything, but they respect me. Which is all I can really ask for. I was thinking of that yesterday at work when I asked the newest addition to the managerial team if she felt comfortable here. She said yes, she loves it here and the employees are wonderful. I told her that I was really glad she came to our store. I think she made a perfect addition. She smiled and said thanks, and that was that. As I was clocking out later in the back, she came out of the office and told me, “Katy, thank you again for that comment earlier. You don’t know how much I appreciate it.” I am really glad I told her.
I’m in a yoga class at school, and it’s helping me relax and giving me some exercise– physical and mental. I also went running at the gym last night on a whim. I hope my drive to become healthier is back.
The fact of the matter is, I am lucky. In the grand scheme of things, my frustrations are small. And I have the power to do something about them, or at least try to. Not everyone has that luxury.

Now I want to share some beautiful lyrics that remind me of Jon.

“Sound is a wave like a wave on the ocean,
Moon plays the ocean like a violin.
Pushing and pulling from shore to shore,
Biggest melody you never heard before.
What if I were the night sky?
What if I were the night sky?
Here’s my lullaby.
My lullaby to leave by,
Lullaby to leave by,
If I were the night.

What if we hadn’t been born at the same time?
What if you were 75 and I were 9?
Would I come visit you,
Bring you cookies in an old folks home?
Would you be there alone?
And when the late summer lightning fires off in your arms,
Will I remember to breathe?
No, I never will.
If I could convince you that I mean you no harm,
Just want to show you how not to need.
If I were the night sky,
Here’s my lullaby.
My lullaby to leave by,
If I were the night.

And what if we hadn’t been each other at the same time?
Would you tell me all the stories from when you’re young and in your prime?
Would I rock you to sleep?
Would you tell me all the secrets you don’t need to keep?
Would I still miss you,
Or would you then have been mine?

Sound is a wave like a wave on the ocean,
Moon plays the ocean like a violin.”

–Andrew Bird, Sifters

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This entry was published on September 13, 2013 at 3:44 AM. It’s filed under Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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