I have The Police in my head. I have my boyfriend and my best friend in my head. I miss them, and I miss my grandma who passed away yesterday morning. I hate that I’ll never hear her accent again. I hate that I’ll never get another letter from her in the mail. Uncle Stan is gone too, and I have no one to write to anymore. I’m not depressed– just grimly realizing that this will never stop. As I get older, I’ll encounter loss after loss. The total is up to seven. I’m having to compartmentalize because I can’t miss school or work anymore, and it makes me feel like a bad person. I should be crying. I shouldn’t be able to smile. But I have to buck up because my life can’t stop. In some ways, I hate getting older.

Maria Guadalupe Leal de Raynes, I love you. I hope I am capable of building even a fraction of your strength.

Maria and Children

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This entry was published on January 28, 2013 at 1:02 PM. It’s filed under Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

2 thoughts on “

  1. I’m sorry for your loss. I don’t think there is any should with feelings, they just are and grief comes in its ways in context with what’s going on in our lives. Lovely post. I’ve largely stopped blogging since I discovered politics but I still follow yours. It’s down to you and blood kin, keep up the good work.

    • Hey, thank you so much for this comment. I’ve been disgustingly awful with keeping up with other bloggers. I’m sure your life has been really busy since your political win, so you actually have an excuse! Mine is school, work, and laziness.
      Thanks for your kind thoughts. I’m dealing with it as best as I can. I appreciate you keeping up with me. I need to do some catching up on your blog.

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