The vibe in my house lately has been off. Everyone’s in a funk and thus we’re all in a weird, hazy pit of muted confusion. My dad has been morose for days, my brother is feeling sorry for himself, my mom is moody(er) than usual, and even my sister is constantly irritated. They all posses these attributes on a normal basis, but it feels more extreme. Or maybe the problem really lies with me and I’m being hyper-sensitive to their energies. I don’t really know, I just hope it stops.
I applied for a scholarship a month or two ago, and I found out today that I didn’t get it. I’m less upset than I should be. I know it would have meant a lot to my parents, who are paying for a big part of my tuition. And I know it would have meant a lot to me, who is also paying for a sizeable portion. But I kind of felt from the start that I wouldn’t get it. I don’t know why. Anyway. It’s disappointing, but I’m not letting it get to me.
I’ve been going running every other day for the past week-and-a-half. My calves are sore, but I’m glad I’m getting back into it. There was a time where I was a really good runner. I want to be a good runner again.
I decided to change the layout of this blog. I figured it was time. I had been using “Pilcrow” for ages– even before I had any followers and began actively posting. Pilcrow served me well, and I will always love it. But I feel this new layout, “AutoFocus”, will push me to photograph more. I hope it’s not confusing to navigate. I just love the simplicity and the opportunity for improvement.
On another note, I’ve realized that I naturally push away male attention. Not that I get much to begin with. I don’t. But when any comes my way, I just turn my head and ignore it (both literally and figuratively). I don’t know why. It’s probably a really bad thing. Ideally I would love to get to know someone as a friend first, and just fall into something bigger. I don’t know. I don’t know why I’m talking about this. Actually, I do. But I’m not discussing it here! Cheeky, sorry.
Here’s a song I dig: