It’s rainy and dark outside but I’m not letting it affect me. In fact, I love the rain! So keep it coming, mother nature.
Yesterday was a rollercoaster of emotions. It was a progression that went like this: excited, annoyed, bored, nervous, taken aback, pleased, very happy, about to explode of happiness, nervous again, quiet, self-conscious, curious, super happy again, nervous, determined, scared, angry, sad, headachey, mellow.
I worked late last night, so when I got off, I popped two ibuprofen and tied my hair up in a high bun. It helped.
When I came home, I didn’t really feel like eating, so I went straight to bed. My brother, who has been living on our couch for the past few months, noticed I wasn’t my usual Tuesday night self and came in my room to check on me. I wasn’t asleep yet, but going through the regrets of my day in the dark. It was sweet of him to see if I was okay. But I didn’t tell him what was on my mind. I don’t usually share things like that with my brother.
Anyway, with the day and night I had, I didn’t expect to wake up cheerful this morning. But I did! And I’m feeling great. Maybe because I get to go home after work and don’t have another obligation until 5. School is about to get crazy, so I’m enjoying every spare minute I have.
It’s only Wednesday, so I don’t really want to dwell on the pitfalls of my week. If I do that, the pile will seem magnanimous by Friday and I’ll feel like I actually have something to complain about. I don’t. I’m so thankful. I just want to feel great and have great days all the time. And doing so starts with me and my attitude. It’s crazy how good you can feel when you take a second to kick yourself out of a needless bad mood. I think about all of the good things that are happening in my life. I listen to music that reinforce good feelings. I take some deep breaths and shut my eyes. It’s so easy.
The other day I met up with an old friend. I previously had no interest in seeing or hearing from him, but when he asked to see me, I agreed. We barely talked about why we hadn’t been in contact. Things reverted back to high school antics. He complained about everything, made everyone else seem like the bad guy. He’s made no friends (he blames it on the people in his current city), and he said he wants to transfer to a college out of state next year. Like that’s going to help. He doesn’t see that it’s his attitude holding him back. His attitude has always stopped him from being happy. He is always the victim, and there’s nothing about himself he’s bothered to fix. I don’t think he sees any fault with his personality. I desperately wanted him to be happy. But I’ve learned you can’t really tell someone how to be happy, or what will work. The road to happiness requires the person to wake up one day and consciously admit there’s something wrong.
There is a song playing my head, and it goes like this: