Nearly an entire semester has passed since I was first immersed into the world of college. And I don’t know where the hell all of the guys are. I was promised a whole pool of new and eligible specimens, yet all I have come across can be consolidated into one curious, depressing list. Here are the men (and I use that term loosely) I have come across:
-The creeper. What does that say about me? My first college run-in with the male species was a healthy dose of stalker. I work at the university library, and I swear, he’s memorized my schedule. Either that, or he LIVES in the library. Because he’s always there when I’m working. Always. He’s always there when I’m walking to math class, when I’m exiting the bathroom, when I’m driving around looking for a parking space. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was looming over my shoulder right now as I type. (It’s okay, he’s not. I just checked.)
-The Hot Professor. Married. Has kids. Sad. That doesn’t stop me from day dreaming about him in class, though.
-The Misogynistic Boss. No thank you, sir, I will NOT respond to your jokes about women taking the inferior role in marriage. I will NOT laugh when you hand me a broom and tell me to sweep because cleaning is the only thing I’m good for. In fact, I would prefer to punch you. This has to be harassment of some kind. Maybe I should report him. THAT would make me laugh.
-The Gay 33-Year-Old. I love J.T. to death, but a gay older man is not exactly what I had in mind for a relationship. However, with him, I could watch romance movies, go to clubs, go shopping, and I would never have to worry about sex. J.T. is seeming more and more like my most reasonable option.
-The Elusive British Exchange Student. He’s a library visitor and we’ve had some interaction while I’ve been working. He seems like a wonderful guy, and he seems to enjoy seeing me. Now, why on Earth can’t I seem to find him when I’m not at work? Why do I only see him when my boss is nearby and there are a million patrons waiting to be taken care of? Where does this elusive and gorgeous creature run off to when I’m unoccupied?
-The Chatty Kathy. Or rather, the chatty Josh. I have to be careful to never get within a 10-foot radius of him if I’m in a hurry. The subject of things he’s decided to talk to me about range from Japanese gas-powered lanterns, to not getting enough sleep at night, to collecting the little McDonald’s peel-off game pieces. I don’t understand how that relationship was established between us. I think I told him I liked his pants once in Speech class, and apparently that was an invitation to never stop talking to me.
Dismal. The way things are going, I don’t think I will be meeting my future husband here. Unless the British exchange student slips me his number on the Due Date card of his next book return, I’m doomed.