Part Infinity

I’m too emberassed to send this to the person I wrote it about. But I wanted to post it.

To Roland:
You inspire me to be a better person in every way. You’re humble, self-reliant, spiritually resilient. You try your best to do real good in life, whereas I only think about it. I know we met when I was only 13 or 14, but you’ve never faded from my mind. I’m realizing now that I was inexplicabaly drawn to you. Not like a stupid middle school crush. I really like the glimpse I’ve gotten of who you are inside. I don’t pretend to know everything- because, most certainly, I don’t. But my unrelenting desire to learn it all is what has kept you in my mind. You probably read me better than I can read myself, because much of what I do is a farce to make myself seem like a better person than I really am. I’ve come to terms with the truth that I cross your mind far less than you do mine, that your interest in me was nothing more than friendly- if even that. I feel so trapped now because I have nothing to look forward to, nothing really to hope for. Now that life is throwing out new things, glimpses into your life are disappearing. I don’t concern you anymore (assuming, of course, that I concerned you even a little in the first place. I’m probably wrong), but you concern me now more than ever. I don’t know what it is, why I can’t really let go. Probably because there was nothing to hold onto in the first place.

There’s not much point to this, except my mission to become a better person includes telling the truth- a seemingly dull word I’ve learned to realize is actually the most important thing a person has. I’m being honest with myself, and I want you to see through any shallowness I exude. You, as quietly persistent as you’ve been in my life, have put me through a change.

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This entry was published on August 9, 2011 at 10:04 PM. It’s filed under Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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