Today, I got my class rank and GPA. I slacked for three years and just recently started working hard, but I figured it would pay off and I would graduate Summa Cum Laude (an average of 100 or more). I ended up with a 99.7. Three tenths of a point away from meeting the only goal I’ve ever set for myself in school.
So what do you do when you’ve failed? What do you do when you are disappointed? Or worse, when you are disappointed in yourself?
I started off by having a good heavy cry in a bathroom stall at my school. Then I just ignored everyone who tried to talk to me and seethed with anger toward anyone who came close to approaching me. Then I took two Advil so I wouldn’t get a headache. Then, upon getting criticized by my yearbook teacher and being told to “change everything about what I see here”, I cried some more.
Probably did not handle it the best way, but I only did what came natural to me. It’s not my fault it’s about to be that time of the month. I don’t even know why I said that. I HATE when people always use that as an excuse. Like, “oh, you’re just mad at me because you’re PMSing.” No. No, there’s no difference. You are being a dick, and if it was any other time, I would still think you were a dick. So disregard what I just said. Getting Summa Cum Laude was a big deal to me, it wasn’t just an involuntary emotional flare up.
I am trying to be motivated and moved by someone I highly respect’s Facebook status. “Live and learn. Just do things better next time.” But the problem I have with it is this: when will there be a next time? Okay, yeah, maybe college. But that isn’t the same. What the hell was I working toward these FOUR YEARS of my life?? This is the only thing I wanted. What was the point of anything? I feel like my life for four years has just been busy work.
Honestly, I’m kind of sick of talking about it. This is not a sob story. Maybe it started out as one, but no. Sob story sans the sob.
This helps a little bit: